I stayed 2 nights and 3 days in the hospital and through out that stay baby Dhiren never left my side. I remember thinking when i was in the recovery bay "how am I gonna breastfeed when I cant feel my legs?" I even requested to the midwife to show me how, she did and that was the only one who did.....for the next two days no one came to really check if I was feeding correctly. I just thought that what i was doing must be correct although it was painful at first, but then again when you have had no experience BF how would you not know that this pain is not natural????? So well..... I suppose in a way its a hazard being in the same line as people assume you know what to do. And that was the beginning of my downfall in my journey of BF.
Upon discharge , I already had a cracked nipple and soreness over the other parts of my body. But they still let me off, despite Dhiren loosing close to 10% of his birth weight and telling me to feed him 4 hourly.
So we went home feeling excited about this little bub..... but somewhere at the back of my mind I did wonder how will I know if I'm having enough milk. Well anyway, the next day the domiciliary nurse did come just to check on me and Dhiren and I remember asking her that same question, and she just said "trust your self, the milk will be enough" ....well OK can't blame me then..... Throughout the whole time we were back poor baby Dhiren was always unsettled and crying and because I was told to feed at 3-4 hourly, so I followed that..... unknowingly that Dhiren was crying because he was hungry. My milk must not have come in yet and he was slowly using up his reserves from the placenta ( after birth babies can survive without/with little milk for the first 3-4 days as they still have reserves from the placenta).
People may ask , how come you do not know this when both parents are doctors?????
Retrospectively as Pattie Riely my maternal child health (MCH)nurse said " you can never wear two hats at one time, therefore you can never be a doctor and a parent at one go!!" How true was that?!
Well anyway, sorry to digress, on the 5th day of Dhiren's life, another nurse came to check on us, and this one brought a weighing scale.... what fright she got when she saw that Dhiren had lost up to 17% of his birth weight.....( they are allowed only 10% loss) and so alarm bells rang! How I felt was like a failure, imagine I was deliberately unknowingly starving my child!! and he was crying all the time to tell me but I just ignored that!!!
We were sent to the emergency department to reconfirm the loss of weight and if so then we would have to get admitted.....mind you how traumatised was I as I didn't get any sleep at all... Dhiren was constantly crying (of hunger) and now hearing that I had to be readmitted.......wow was very very emotional and scary for me.
So off we went to the ED and there it was confirmed that he had indeed lost so much weight. We got admitted back to where we were some 4 days ago. Immediately they took some bloods from Dhiren and started him on formula. I was very very concerned... of course about the lost of weight but also because I was a strong and firm believer that I would be breastfeeding this little baby. So it was such a crack in my confidence... I was thinking, how in the world am I going to get him back on just breast milk? How do we go about bringing bottles and sterilising.....???? All that hassle ?? and hygiene wise???
Then there was this tedious regime - I had to breastfeed him 20minutes each side, and then give him whatever I had expressed after the feed before and then to top up with formula....arghhh.. the whole process took about 1 hour and then I had to put him to sleep , then express then wash up the apparatus, by the time all was over it was time to feed him again!!! Arghhhhh I never got much sleep and my whole mind was just encircled around feeding. But thankfully Dhiren responded well and was alright with the formula and the bottle. He put on 800g the first day itself and continued to put on weight for the next 3 days that we were in the hospital. This time I was tediously and meticulously watched and shown the proper way to feed and hold and express which should have been the way the first time we were in the hospital! Well an expensive lesson to learn.
So after being discharge my battle did not end there... I had numerous support groups to attend ( that's another stressor..... taking Dhiren out for the first time in a car seat in a taxi arrghhhhh!)and of course my main concern was would Dhiren continue to increase his weight at home. The first test was great, when the MCH nurse came and weighed him and showed that he indeed did put on weight, my confidence soared. Although there was a time when one night he still continued to be unsettled , I did remember saying to DH lets just give in to formula!!! I can't be doing this!!! But thank goodness for one of the lactation consultants who told me just give it a month and then you can tell yourself you tried if you want to give that up. And so I did. So I continued by tedious feeding regime until a week later when I gradually weaned him off the formula and then the expressed milk and hooray now he's on the breast alone!
So lessons that I learnt:
1. its a hazard to be a doctor when you are a first time parent, you can never wear two hats at one time
2. never give up in what you believe in - in my case breastfeeding exclusively
3. whatever it is you're trying and wanting to give up, give yourself a month and then decide
4. do not believe everything you read - despite what brands like Avent advertises - being breastfeeding friendly its not, and that the cheapest and unattractive teats/bottles may just be breastfeeding friendly and easier for your baby to adapt
5. it is important to have support groups around, where you'll actually hear of other people having the same problems you do, and then suddenly you don't feel like you're alone in this world!
People have said to me that breastfeeding is amazing, you feel something different entirely , its the endorphins released. Well I don't feel the earth moving or angels singing but its certainly one experience that I would never give up , its my sealed bond with Dhiren and I dread the time when I have to return back to work and put him back on the bottle!
Upon discharge , I already had a cracked nipple and soreness over the other parts of my body. But they still let me off, despite Dhiren loosing close to 10% of his birth weight and telling me to feed him 4 hourly.
So we went home feeling excited about this little bub..... but somewhere at the back of my mind I did wonder how will I know if I'm having enough milk. Well anyway, the next day the domiciliary nurse did come just to check on me and Dhiren and I remember asking her that same question, and she just said "trust your self, the milk will be enough" ....well OK can't blame me then..... Throughout the whole time we were back poor baby Dhiren was always unsettled and crying and because I was told to feed at 3-4 hourly, so I followed that..... unknowingly that Dhiren was crying because he was hungry. My milk must not have come in yet and he was slowly using up his reserves from the placenta ( after birth babies can survive without/with little milk for the first 3-4 days as they still have reserves from the placenta).
People may ask , how come you do not know this when both parents are doctors?????
Retrospectively as Pattie Riely my maternal child health (MCH)nurse said " you can never wear two hats at one time, therefore you can never be a doctor and a parent at one go!!" How true was that?!
Well anyway, sorry to digress, on the 5th day of Dhiren's life, another nurse came to check on us, and this one brought a weighing scale.... what fright she got when she saw that Dhiren had lost up to 17% of his birth weight.....( they are allowed only 10% loss) and so alarm bells rang! How I felt was like a failure, imagine I was deliberately unknowingly starving my child!! and he was crying all the time to tell me but I just ignored that!!!
We were sent to the emergency department to reconfirm the loss of weight and if so then we would have to get admitted.....mind you how traumatised was I as I didn't get any sleep at all... Dhiren was constantly crying (of hunger) and now hearing that I had to be readmitted.......wow was very very emotional and scary for me.
So off we went to the ED and there it was confirmed that he had indeed lost so much weight. We got admitted back to where we were some 4 days ago. Immediately they took some bloods from Dhiren and started him on formula. I was very very concerned... of course about the lost of weight but also because I was a strong and firm believer that I would be breastfeeding this little baby. So it was such a crack in my confidence... I was thinking, how in the world am I going to get him back on just breast milk? How do we go about bringing bottles and sterilising.....???? All that hassle ?? and hygiene wise???
Then there was this tedious regime - I had to breastfeed him 20minutes each side, and then give him whatever I had expressed after the feed before and then to top up with formula....arghhh.. the whole process took about 1 hour and then I had to put him to sleep , then express then wash up the apparatus, by the time all was over it was time to feed him again!!! Arghhhhh I never got much sleep and my whole mind was just encircled around feeding. But thankfully Dhiren responded well and was alright with the formula and the bottle. He put on 800g the first day itself and continued to put on weight for the next 3 days that we were in the hospital. This time I was tediously and meticulously watched and shown the proper way to feed and hold and express which should have been the way the first time we were in the hospital! Well an expensive lesson to learn.
So after being discharge my battle did not end there... I had numerous support groups to attend ( that's another stressor..... taking Dhiren out for the first time in a car seat in a taxi arrghhhhh!)and of course my main concern was would Dhiren continue to increase his weight at home. The first test was great, when the MCH nurse came and weighed him and showed that he indeed did put on weight, my confidence soared. Although there was a time when one night he still continued to be unsettled , I did remember saying to DH lets just give in to formula!!! I can't be doing this!!! But thank goodness for one of the lactation consultants who told me just give it a month and then you can tell yourself you tried if you want to give that up. And so I did. So I continued by tedious feeding regime until a week later when I gradually weaned him off the formula and then the expressed milk and hooray now he's on the breast alone!
So lessons that I learnt:
1. its a hazard to be a doctor when you are a first time parent, you can never wear two hats at one time
2. never give up in what you believe in - in my case breastfeeding exclusively
3. whatever it is you're trying and wanting to give up, give yourself a month and then decide
4. do not believe everything you read - despite what brands like Avent advertises - being breastfeeding friendly its not, and that the cheapest and unattractive teats/bottles may just be breastfeeding friendly and easier for your baby to adapt
5. it is important to have support groups around, where you'll actually hear of other people having the same problems you do, and then suddenly you don't feel like you're alone in this world!
People have said to me that breastfeeding is amazing, you feel something different entirely , its the endorphins released. Well I don't feel the earth moving or angels singing but its certainly one experience that I would never give up , its my sealed bond with Dhiren and I dread the time when I have to return back to work and put him back on the bottle!
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