Surviving Infertility

Feel like I am a dog chasing my tail, going in circles. No matter how hard I try I cannot deny that one thing just bugs me and eats the hell out of me no matter what brave or nonchalant front I put on. It comes to a point that I dont talk to my husband about this, can't any more because he will always say dont worry, worst case we dont have any kids I will still be his baby. Yeah very sweet and I am sure he is just trying to make me feel better, but I dont want to feel better. Dont you understand!!!! Its like for example to make things really simple buying a phone and realising you can't send smses. I feel cheated somehow. Hate it when people ask you when is your turn, or even better when they justify themselves by saying " dont worry, in good time" or " perhaps you are not ready to be parents". Is anyone really ready to be parents? Somehow I think it is just something you learn as it comes, some in-build trait that God has given everyone of us that we somehow, no matter from what race, creed, country, educational background or age we are , we just learn to be parents. Its hurts the most when these words are coming out from people who just need to sneeze just to get pregnant.
I use to have a friend I could confide in, in fact it was all thanks to her that I found my OBGYN, but she has moved on, adopted a kid and is a mother in her own right. Am happy for her, but at the same time can't help but feel alone, and lost in this journey. My only solace is in these bunch of ladies on a discussion board that I dont even know by name or face but somehow is in the same boat and situation I am in, probably its true what they say - birds of a feather flock together. The lost, sadness, and hurt I feel is mirrored and echoed by them, although everyone of us have diffirent problems but somehow our ultimate goal to become a mother is strong enough to drop the transcontinental barriers.
So here I am lost in this battle that I have no control off, and which I face every day of my life, like a wake up call, in front of my very eyes, the futility in my fertility.
Aimless, helpless and hopeless....... my three friends.