I miss my best friend! So many things have been happening in the past few weeks ( as usual ) that somehow I feel so disconnected from my best friend. The silence and the akwardness that surround us is so overwealming. I can't seem to get pass that, usually things will go back to normal after one of those misunderstandings but somehow its like he does not want to forget or does not want to forgive. SadlyI just go along with it. Although there are times when I feel stubborn. I do not want to give in. But there are many moments when I just feel like picking up the phone to break thru the web of silence. Unfortunately I am just received with monosyllable answers/grunts. What went wrong? When did we loose everything? Things were just starting to look up, getting back to normalcy, getting over the disappointments and grieve. I can't even remember the last time we fought and allowed it to simmer like this, I think it was almost 3 years ago. Somehow I dont remember how we got back along again.
I miss just sitting next to him and knowing that even without words I can count on him, I miss hearing my phone beep when there is a sms and being surprised that its him just asking "apa buat", I miss coming home to a sea of calm and running to him knowing I will be consoled no matter what or how big my concerns are, I miss just being me, just talking about our future together, most of all I miss my friend, my soul mate, my love, my husband.
What can I do? What should I do? Its not as if I can just go up to him and shake him and say who is this stranger now I am living with and where is he hidding my husband? I suppose all I can do is just give him his space, his time and just leave our life hanging on this last thread, and hope that somehow a light will shine thru. For I know I can't go on living like this. I need a break in this silence. For if he's suffering so much inside with me here, itsn't it better to be alone then , and to move on . If the feelings that he had for me a long time ago has faded or died, why prolong this agony?
Perhaps this lies the truth as to why we are barren?
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