***Limbo***

I havent blogged in a while, been trying to cope with the struggles of marriage and life. Since my last blog, things have looked a little better or so I thought, but it was just a lucid interval. I find myself right back to where I started. Now I am thinking I have to make a decision, whether do I want to stay in this with full knowledge and insight that every 1 or 2 weeks I will be back here where I started or even further behind. Im seriously fed up, what happen to the things he promised me when he took our vows. Friends commented that how our wedding speech moved others to tears, but sadly the truth is, it was just all talk and no action. How can he promise my parents and others in full witness of friends that he would take care of me like his own eyes when he is not doing so! Perhaps last 2 weeks with there was a huge showdown I should have stood my ground and moved on. Why did I have to be sentimental to want to hang on to something that clearly isn't going anywhere. Why? Now I suffer! But I have resolved, I am giving this to the least until the end of this year. If nothing else works out then I am calling quits. I dont think I deserve to be unhappy and so dissatisfied with life when there is more to life than this! I have lost all faith in the big man up there, because my cries for help isn't being answered, people may say that it is being answered in another way, or this is just a trial/challenge to make me stronger, but I think I have struggled enough, 5 years with someone I thought I could change, and when I learned that I can't change him anymore, I learned to accept him as he is but that too clearly isn't enough. One person can't be compromising all the time and 1 person can't do this when it is a 2-way street.
I give up!