2 weeks in Limbo

I just got an IUI done.... yes finally something being done to my infertile state. At first everything seem to be going according to plan, I managed to get 1 day off from my busy schedule just to get it done, but of course had to tell everyone at work in order to get the day off.... and then it was like everything was in place.
Except no one can predict when things are not meant to be. I fell ill, had high fever and a flu and currently now supporting a cough!
Of course you can always say, "Oh its a sign maybe its just no meant to be" . But for how damn long is it not going to be meant to be?
Now Im stuck in this 2 week limbo period where I cant test for anything until at least 2 weeks post IUI.
And what is worse we decided against going for our long awaited holiday in case it may decrease our chances of conceiving! And my hubby is already prepping for the bad news. Arghhhhhh...
Me ? I dont know , its probably fat crap talking about acceptance when I think I have slumped back to the stage of denial!
I mean even rapist and murderers can get pregnant! I think about maybe its not my time yet but then I reflect why not? I mean people who have 6 children whom they cannot afford to even feed are having another? Then maybe I reflect and say that I am bad and dont deserve to have an offspring.... but hey like I said even the murderers and rapist are having kids. At least in my line of work, I am helping people daily , dont I deserve some kind of slack?
That brings me down to the fact that I have lost all faith in the man up there. My mum is pissed that I dont go to church anymore but with all this happenings in my life , disappointments why should I believe anymore? If they say that God is good then why not be good to me? After all I know I will bring the child up with love and goodness. Why the punishing and suffering being inflicted on me in handfuls?
So I made the final deal, I'll sell my soul to whoever it is that will give me what I want - and we do know what that is, so come December 27 , when I do the test and get the results , we'll see who has saved/lost my soul!